5 Reactions To Your Ex Re-adding You On Facebook

You knew it was going to happen eventually. The dreaded day when your ex not only unblocks you but also re-adds you on Facebook. The two events usually happen months apart from each other. You notice when they unblock you once you start seeing their name tagged in your FB memories again. And it’s certainly a wtf moment since they had to make the choice to unblock you. But when they send you a friend request… “OMG WTF” is only the first thought that comes to your mind.

Let me put some history towards my experience with this. I have an ex fiance. I was 22 when we split and it’s been quite the journey during my 5 years apart from him. Allow me to be very clear when I say I’m okay with having an ex fiance. If I didn’t have an ex fiance I would have an ex husband. I would fit right in with the divorced couples in my neighborhood. #whiteprivledge.

Alas, it took a couple of years for me to get over him. The way our relationship ended, as most do, was not pleasant. I was unable to understand a healthy relationship afterwards as exemplified by numerous toxic relationships I experienced in the years following. Five years later though, I’m in the most amazing relationship of my existence. I give 100% to this person every day because he does exactly the same. It’s weird when you don’t have to try to make things good because they just are all the time.

So, you can probably sense my unnerving anxiousness when I received this ex FB friend request. “Why are you here? I literally held a funeral for you in my mind and now you’re back from the dead? I went through hell for years trying to get over you. WTF are you doing trying to be apart of my life again? FUCK YOU!”

Here are the 5 stages you go through when receiving a friend request from an ex on Facebook.

1. WTF NO OMG.

“Noooo omg what are you thinking?!” This is what I said out loud to myself after I woke up from a nap on a weekend and saw a request from my ex. I was angry. I had been seeing his photo on my FB and IG for months because he had recently started dating one of my childhood friends. That was enough, My heart literally stopped every time I saw him in a photo and it had been 5 fucking years since I broke up with him. Not to mention I’m madly in love with my current bf.

This is the point where you don’t make any hasty decisions. Do not accept that friend request without at least experiencing the next 4 reactions.

2.  Sadness.

This is the point, about an hour later, when you’re kind of upset after thinking about everything that happened between you two. You know you weren’t perfect but he was awful. This can happen to dudes in a relationships too, of course. Sometimes the girl is the worst and the dude spends a lot of time getting over her. This was not the case in my situation. He fucking sucked by the end of our relationship, and I was left with thinking about all of it after his request came through.

3. Regret.

This is the stage where you start to think of everything you did wrong in the relationship. Because lets be honest, relationships rarely end because of one side. Unless you’re in high school and dating an absolute loser (been there). We can compare our wrongdoings to the other person as much as we want. “I may have been wrong but it was his actions that ended everything.” This is actually not a negative thing to feel. You’re learning to accept your faults while still not accepting the other person’s faults as okay.

4. Maybe I Should Accept The Request.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck. This feeling sucks. After thinking about everything you did wrong you start to see his request for friendship as a strong move. Almost like he’s gotten over everything and he’s sorry.

In my personal situation, I know that my ex has historically been the kind of person to break up with girls in his mind months before breaking up with them in real life. As in he stops trying because he doesn’t care anymore and he’s waiting until he has another girl on deck before actually breaking up with his current gf. He’s afraid of being alone and a lot of people deal with this whether its themselves or its happening to them.

Therefore, be careful accepting requests from exes that are like this. He could be tired of his current relationship and looking to recycle you into his rotation. You deserve to be loved wholly, not because someone is bored.

5. Being Okay With Moving On.

You’re not going to accept this request. You’ve moved on and you’re so happy with the life you have built that you don’t need any negative energy contributing to your new journey. You simply delete it or ignore it. Don’t ever let someone from your past dictate how you should feel in your present. You do not have to be friends on Facebook with everyone you know. Sorry bout cha, exes! #liveyourbestlife

 

Writer’s Note:
Thank you to everyone who reads and shares my articles. I have to be slightly drunk in order to write. So thanks for making this glass of wine worthwhile.

Advertisements

I’m Sorry I’m Late. This is My Life, Preface

The moment I threw my engagement ring on my bedside table was the moment my life began. Albeit a little blurry and filled with angst. But a beginning, nonetheless.

You see, when things end, we see it as only an ending and not as a first date with someone 5 years later who will forever change our lives. It was that beginning that brought me here. And it feels so good to be right here.

But right here isn’t the beginning of my story. The beginning of my story is in college and it was sidelined with a cheating fiance and a broken sense of being. I had dreams of being with him, fishing every summer, hunting every winter. He loved me too at one point. Enough to put a ring on it. But when you’re 20 years old you still have so much growing on the inside to do. Grow we did, and it was only slowly apart.

There were also other dreams during this time. Dreams of being employed at a job that didn’t suck the life out of me and a muscle car I could call my own. I got the car, but didn’t get the life suckless job.

Funny story, I also live in the same city as this ex. The same goddamn city. I had dreams of being on the west coast by now. But instead I’m in the same city as the one person who royally fucked up in life because he no longer has me as a companion. He works right down the road from me. I see those FedEx trucks every. single. day. on my way to work. Maybe that’s why my job feels so life-sucking?

My point throughout all this is that after my failed engagement, I became the most positive person I know. I mean like “oh shoot, I’m really late on this bill but it’s okay because I know I’ll figure it out” kind of person. Never really stressed, positive about everything. I had a wonderful life just trying to figure out what I was here for.

Fast forward 5 years. I met that guy on a first date who changed my life forever. Picture the most perfect, kind, wonderful human being you can. This is him.

image1

Frank is my peace. I met him in the above mentioned city. We’re still here now. Trying to get out of our life sucking jobs. I’ve never appreciated a person more in my life than I do him. He met me when I was at my happiest in life I think. Beaming from the new job and new muscle car that I could call my own.

He would never allow me to find out he had tarnished our relationship. He would never allow me to pull off my engagement ring in anger and sadness once I have it. Which means I will never have hope and positivity as the only things to hold onto, again.

There’s something beautiful about the human spirit when you have to claw your way through life. It’s a feeling I’ll forever be trying to get back, while I sip my $6 coffee and drive around in my muscle car. I miss the struggle. Because with the struggle brought completeness and a sense of purpose.

Not struggling is just, incomplete. I’ve made it to a point in life where I’m comfortable. Because of this my sense of purpose has never been in more danger.

So here’s to not being in the same place mentally next month. Here’s to making a change so we can change our lives. I’ll be completely in love while doing so. Follow @francisarusrex on Instagram, hes an amazing human being.

Where Does Our Child Go?

Quick, what did you want to be when you grew up? Now look at your life…

WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR CHILD?

If you’re anything like me as a youngster you were going to be a veterinarian one day and the next day you were for sure going to be an astronomer. But before you go to college to become an astronomer you were going to have a successful music career.
Then as time goes on you decide ‘my voice isn’t quite good enough for a music career but I can totally become a producer instead and find great voices’. Then you decide that ‘math doesn’t come as easy to me as it does to others so I should pick a major that doesn’t involve equations’. Then you end up graduating college with a communications degree because you’re really good at reading and saying words at least.* The music career never happened. When the actual fuck did we decide its okay to belittle our aspirations to become normal? Why is normal expected? When do we stop DREAMING?

How different would the world be if the capacity to stop dreaming never happened? Who would we be? How many accomplishments and awards would line our mahogany trophy cases in our over-sized home? Would we wonder how over-sized homes became the norm? How many people could we help if we never stopped dreaming?

There’s a disease going on in my generation currently. The disease of ‘I’m Too Old Now’ or ITON for short. We start to think this way at an alarmingly young age. I knew I wasn’t good at math by the second grade after being told over and over again in first grade that I couldn’t solve word problems as good as the other kids. When the fuck did it become okay to focus on our childrens’ flaws? Ever since then I’ve been scaling down my dreams to meet new, disillusioned expectations. It breaks my heart to realize this now. ITON is alive and well in my life. I know this because I have an idea book with pages and pages of business and charity ideas. Expect that’s all they are, ideas in a book. I can’t start on any of them because I can’t solve word problems like the other kids in first grade.

ITON is bullshit. Scaling down your dreams to better meet expectations is also bullshit. If you’re anything like me now as a 26 year old you’re already very tired of living your life based on incorrect, inward expectations. AND YOU’RE ONLY 26. Do you realize what you can accomplish in a year, 5 years, or 10 years? I sure as hell don’t which is why I’m writing this to try and knock some sense into myself.

Stop the excuses, find your child! What do you want to be when you grow up?

 

 

*I am beyond thankful to have a degree from a university I loved and do not take that for granted. Boiler Up!

Using Fitness to Heal A Broken Heart

“Breakups make body builders”

breakups

I shared that on my IG a little over a year ago. A photo with a persons head down on a set of stairs. I had just been broken up with. We hadn’t been together long but it stung like hell. How does the saying go? For every month you are together it takes a week to get over them. That’s total bull shit.

Here I am now over a year later and I’ve been broken up with again. Same situation different person. The only difference is that this time I actually thought to myself, “Maybe it’s me?” That’s bull shit too. Don’t ever tell yourself that. Unless you have a serious issue like heroin addiction then yes I’m sorry its probably you.

On the morning of the dreaded “I think we took this too fast” I couldn’t focus. I had to go to a job and sit at a desk for 8 hours to “work”. Instead I spent much of it in the bathroom wondering how in the hell I was going to get through this again. For the record, I’ve had a lot of relationships and dating-ships. Each one very different in the way it hurts when it ends. But I keep putting myself out there because there is someone that will understand me in ways never understood before. I just haven’t met him yet.

Flash forward to the end of the day when I could finally head to the gym. I met my trainer Nick, great guy, been in a relationship for 5 years which is fucking awesome. Especially since I can’t seem to keep one last for more than 2. He asked the question like every other day, “How’s your day, Britney?” “Really shitty” I replied. When he asked why I explained. After my explanation I included, “It’s not like I’m devastated but it still stings. Starting over again is the worst part of it all.” He agreed, although he probably had to wonder what starting over would be like for a second.

And that was it. I didn’t cry like I had been doing all day. I laughed and we got to work. I haven’t had that good of a workout in weeks. I know because my back is tensing up in my desk chair as I type this. I haven’t cried today because I know I have a hot date with the gym for 2 hours later tonight. The only problem is that once I leave I’ll have to eat an ungodly amount of food and get back to the reality of my mind. But I know if I do that day after day then the sting will subside and I can move on to something better. Like a new gym maybe.

The point here is my heart has been broken many times. And I swear to God its not me. I’m a fucking nice person who has her life together pretty nicely even at 25. Every time this happens, I go to the gym and lift until I can’t lift anymore and I make myself feel better. Putting the pain of your heart into the pain of your muscles just works.

So to anyone feeling down because you too have to start over. Get to the gym and lift for your life, and for the sake of your mental stability.

Valleys and Mountains: The Valley

My heart hurts. It hurts and I’m trying to remember that it doesn’t last forever. I’ve known that there is something missing in my life for a very long time now. I’ve filled it with the wrong things, numbed it with the wrong things, ignored it to try and make other people happy instead of myself. But it always comes back.

I think we feel an emptiness in our hearts when the things that we love take the pieces we have given and leave. Because nothing can last forever, as hard as that is to remember. There is a tightness in my chest that I haven’t necessarily felt before. Maybe a last straw kind of tightness. It makes me want to run and leave all of the pieces behind that left me.

It’s difficult to be on the verge of tears at any moment and still want to make everyone that surrounds you smile. It’s fucking exhausting. Not getting the reciprocation that you know you deserve is fucking exhausting. And if you’re anything like me you throw yourself into your work but still can’t focus on actually getting it done. Everything you’ve ever started you’ve never finished because focus is required to make it to the end.

Is it so bad to be passionate about love? Whether there is a God or just Karma, I’m looking for a break here. Things always get figured out eventually and I will keep hold of the positive attitude that took so long for me to find. Because that’s the only thing keeping me afloat. That and hope. But this feeling of being a soldier of life is draining me of everything I’ve ever known or held onto.

My Butterflies Have Stage Fright

Remember back in younger years when we were all a little naive? Naive about the world and about our expectations of how it was going to work out. I personally wasn’t worried about how my life was going to work out. Because if you were like me you were completely naive and infatuated about the idea of love. If you were like me you gave love everything you had. Not once, not twice, but so many gosh darn times. So what did love give back to us and what do we have to show for it? I’d say it would be the inability to continue opening up.

I’ve met a boy. At 24 I still say boy, only to myself but I do. And this boy has opened up to me immediately. He’s been kind, sweet and very loving. He does things that are hard to find in the 20 something dating scene. Conversation, genuine interest, dates, attraction, introduction to friends. Someone doing all of these things 5 years ago would have given me butterflies immediately. But now I don’t even realize he’s doing these things until I think about it 10 minutes later. I will literally stop myself long after a moment has passed and realize that what he just did 5 minutes ago was awesome. Where in the hell do I get off not getting butterflies immediately from things like that?!

Jaded is an awful word and an even more awful state of mind. I’ll be the first to admit that I am, too. Everyone that I have let in and genuinely cared about have hurt me, all in different ways. I still have dreams about being cheated on or lied to or about having my simple expectations shattered. I dream about these things because I am so passionate about love. But at this point it is downright terrifying to come to the realization of someone else opening up to me. It’s like my butterflies have stage fright. It breaks my own heart.

There is a silver lining in all of this though. I’m going to eventually let this person in and give him all I’ve got just like I always have. And if it doesn’t work out, once again my independence will pick my broken heart up and keep me moving. Love is hard on the heart but it does make the soul stronger. I do have that to be thankful for. I think love only teaches us lessons until we’re absolutely ready for it to teach us what it really feels like.

#lookup

I Didn’t Have A Phone For 36 Hours and I’m Still Alive

I don’t know what it is with phones and water, but they definitely do not mix and I definitely have some bad luck. I remember the last time I lost my phone to water. It wasn’t just water either, it was the ocean and I was on spring break. I won’t say whether or not alcohol had any influence on my bright idea to go waste deep into the blue while soaking my uncool but very practical fanny pack. Either way, that is what happened. Even better was that it was our first day there and I didn’t have a phone the entire week. You know what was awesome though? That was the most carefree week of my entire life.

This time was not as exciting as spring break. I was doing laundry actually. But nonetheless I quickly realised my phone had been on my bed as I took off my sheets to wash them. Funny how it stayed perfectly entangled inside as if it were destiny for me to not have a phone for a period of time. After a couple minutes I knew what had happened and also knew that it was too late to save. The awesome thing about this situation? My world didn’t end as my terror first led me to believe it would.

What I learned from not having a phone for 36 hours.

No Google Maps: My Sense Of Direction Improved
It’s almost like memorizing lines for a production. When you have them in front of you you’re reading the paper the whole time. When in reality we figure out that we can read the lines without the paper at all. Its only a crutch. Not having a phone wasn’t going to get in the way of my Friday night plans. Even with me being new to the city of Cincinnati. I figured out where to go before leaving the house and got to actually learn the names of streets.

We’re Afraid Of Our Own Thoughts
I realized this as I was in the gym. Normally I always have my phone so I can check and see what’s going on in the world in between sets. Except this time I only had my iPod (working out without jams is impossible). In between sets I thought to myself, “What if I spent this time thinking about cool stuff instead of checking in with the world?” So I did, I thought about cool stuff. I went home that night and finished a project I had been stumped on for weeks.

I No Longer Had A Sense Of Obligation
I love social media. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows this. I’ve began to make a career out of it actually and I couldn’t be happier with my decision to do so. I use social media for 3 main things; a job, fitness and inspiring others. I knew my online life wasn’t going to stop because of my mistake. But it was nice to know that I could. Social media became important only when I was at my computer for the day. I no longer had the world on my shoulders with my phone in pocket. Even though I love what I get to do for people online, it was a breath of fresh air to only have to worry about what I’m doing for myself.

So there you have it! I have a phone again, its a necessity at this point in my life. Emails, phone calls, positivity to spread to the world. But I do appreciate knowing how good it can be to unplug for a short amount of time. You should try it on a Friday night and go hang out with your friends. Actually hang out too. Like, talk to each other face to face. I highly recommend it.