You knew it was going to happen eventually. The dreaded day when your ex not only unblocks you but also re-adds you on Facebook. The two events usually happen months apart from each other. You notice when they unblock you once you start seeing their name tagged in your FB memories again. And it’s certainly a wtf moment since they had to make the choice to unblock you. But when they send you a friend request… “OMG WTF” is only the first thought that comes to your mind.
Let me put some history towards my experience with this. I have an ex fiance. I was 22 when we split and it’s been quite the journey during my 5 years apart from him. Allow me to be very clear when I say I’m okay with having an ex fiance. If I didn’t have an ex fiance I would have an ex husband. I would fit right in with the divorced couples in my neighborhood. #whiteprivledge.
Alas, it took a couple of years for me to get over him. The way our relationship ended, as most do, was not pleasant. I was unable to understand a healthy relationship afterwards as exemplified by numerous toxic relationships I experienced in the years following. Five years later though, I’m in the most amazing relationship of my existence. I give 100% to this person every day because he does exactly the same. It’s weird when you don’t have to try to make things good because they just are all the time.
So, you can probably sense my unnerving anxiousness when I received this ex FB friend request. “Why are you here? I literally held a funeral for you in my mind and now you’re back from the dead? I went through hell for years trying to get over you. WTF are you doing trying to be apart of my life again? FUCK YOU!”
Here are the 5 stages you go through when receiving a friend request from an ex on Facebook.
1. WTF NO OMG.
“Noooo omg what are you thinking?!” This is what I said out loud to myself after I woke up from a nap on a weekend and saw a request from my ex. I was angry. I had been seeing his photo on my FB and IG for months because he had recently started dating one of my childhood friends. That was enough, My heart literally stopped every time I saw him in a photo and it had been 5 fucking years since I broke up with him. Not to mention I’m madly in love with my current bf.
This is the point where you don’t make any hasty decisions. Do not accept that friend request without at least experiencing the next 4 reactions.
This is the point, about an hour later, when you’re kind of upset after thinking about everything that happened between you two. You know you weren’t perfect but he was awful. This can happen to dudes in a relationships too, of course. Sometimes the girl is the worst and the dude spends a lot of time getting over her. This was not the case in my situation. He fucking sucked by the end of our relationship, and I was left with thinking about all of it after his request came through.
This is the stage where you start to think of everything you did wrong in the relationship. Because lets be honest, relationships rarely end because of one side. Unless you’re in high school and dating an absolute loser (been there). We can compare our wrongdoings to the other person as much as we want. “I may have been wrong but it was his actions that ended everything.” This is actually not a negative thing to feel. You’re learning to accept your faults while still not accepting the other person’s faults as okay.
4. Maybe I Should Accept The Request.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck. This feeling sucks. After thinking about everything you did wrong you start to see his request for friendship as a strong move. Almost like he’s gotten over everything and he’s sorry.
In my personal situation, I know that my ex has historically been the kind of person to break up with girls in his mind months before breaking up with them in real life. As in he stops trying because he doesn’t care anymore and he’s waiting until he has another girl on deck before actually breaking up with his current gf. He’s afraid of being alone and a lot of people deal with this whether its themselves or its happening to them.
Therefore, be careful accepting requests from exes that are like this. He could be tired of his current relationship and looking to recycle you into his rotation. You deserve to be loved wholly, not because someone is bored.
5. Being Okay With Moving On.
You’re not going to accept this request. You’ve moved on and you’re so happy with the life you have built that you don’t need any negative energy contributing to your new journey. You simply delete it or ignore it. Don’t ever let someone from your past dictate how you should feel in your present. You do not have to be friends on Facebook with everyone you know. Sorry bout cha, exes! #liveyourbestlife
Thank you to everyone who reads and shares my articles. I have to be slightly drunk in order to write. So thanks for making this glass of wine worthwhile.