I’m Sorry I’m Late. This is My Life, Preface

The moment I threw my engagement ring on my bedside table was the moment my life began. Albeit a little blurry and filled with angst. But a beginning, nonetheless.

You see, when things end, we see it as only an ending and not as a first date with someone 5 years later who will forever change our lives. It was that beginning that brought me here. And it feels so good to be right here.

But right here isn’t the beginning of my story. The beginning of my story is in college and it was sidelined with a cheating fiance and a broken sense of being. I had dreams of being with him, fishing every summer, hunting every winter. He loved me too at one point. Enough to put a ring on it. But when you’re 20 years old you still have so much growing on the inside to do. Grow we did, and it was only slowly apart.

There were also other dreams during this time. Dreams of being employed at a job that didn’t suck the life out of me and a muscle car I could call my own. I got the car, but didn’t get the life suckless job.

Funny story, I also live in the same city as this ex. The same goddamn city. I had dreams of being on the west coast by now. But instead I’m in the same city as the one person who royally fucked up in life because he no longer has me as a companion. He works right down the road from me. I see those FedEx trucks every. single. day. on my way to work. Maybe that’s why my job feels so life-sucking?

My point throughout all this is that after my failed engagement, I became the most positive person I know. I mean like “oh shoot, I’m really late on this bill but it’s okay because I know I’ll figure it out” kind of person. Never really stressed, positive about everything. I had a wonderful life just trying to figure out what I was here for.

Fast forward 5 years. I met that guy on a first date who changed my life forever. Picture the most perfect, kind, wonderful human being you can. This is him.

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Frank is my peace. I met him in the above mentioned city. We’re still here now. Trying to get out of our life sucking jobs. I’ve never appreciated a person more in my life than I do him. He met me when I was at my happiest in life I think. Beaming from the new job and new muscle car that I could call my own.

He would never allow me to find out he had tarnished our relationship. He would never allow me to pull off my engagement ring in anger and sadness once I have it. Which means I will never have hope and positivity as the only things to hold onto, again.

There’s something beautiful about the human spirit when you have to claw your way through life. It’s a feeling I’ll forever be trying to get back, while I sip my $6 coffee and drive around in my muscle car. I miss the struggle. Because with the struggle brought completeness and a sense of purpose.

Not struggling is just, incomplete. I’ve made it to a point in life where I’m comfortable. Because of this my sense of purpose has never been in more danger.

So here’s to not being in the same place mentally next month. Here’s to making a change so we can change our lives. I’ll be completely in love while doing so. Follow @francisarusrex on Instagram, hes an amazing human being.

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2 comments

  1. Are you living in Savannah Ga? Man your story could be mine. I’m trying to claw my way out of a dragnet relationship where I remained hopeful against hope for 4 years too long. This was a poetic piece of purpose that I needed today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • britneyelbert · July 8

      Hey, my apologies for responding so late to this! Since this was months ago for both of us, I hope you’re doing so well and over which ever type of guy that dragged you down. As women we are strong and can over come anything :). I’ve been listening to Kesha’s new song a lot lately, ‘Praying’. Thank you for stopping by and letting me know I helped in a small way. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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